We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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