Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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