Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
