Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
