when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
