Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
