I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
