I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
