also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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