i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
