whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
