Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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