I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
