By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
