Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
