I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
