I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
