so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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