I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
