I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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