i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
