the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
