I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
