the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
