He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
