Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
foreskin is a definite game changer
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
