As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
