I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
