Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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