Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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