Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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