My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize