I'm going to jail i love you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
