Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
