so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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