you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
