it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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