just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize