I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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