i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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