Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
