whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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