I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
handjob tips. give me some.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
