These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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