There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
