can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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