Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
