I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
