dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
