At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
