I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
