his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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