I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
