she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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