Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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