So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
