I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
