Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
