its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
