Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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