Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
