Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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