my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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