What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
