Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
