I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
