Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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