I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
