Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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